Get Out of The Kitchen
08-03-06 | 22:09

So yes it is my wisdom tooth. It is somewhat comforting because at least I do not have gum disease - which was a concern, but not a legitimate one since I brush twice a day and have never had a cavity - or an infection of some sort. All four of my wisdom teeth have to be removed. I have a consultation with the oral surgeon on Monday. How terribly sucky.
Oh dear, this must be insanely boring to anyone reading, but my tooth is in constant pain, and I have been very tired this week, between PB moving out and cleaning the apartment from top to bottom and getting my things in order and working I am exhausted. Not to mention that PB has the evening shift at work and doesn't come by (it is weird not to say 'come home' anymore) until midnight or later and I can never get good sleep before he comes home because one can't just go right to sleep after work my midnight is his six o'clock, and he is up and then I wake up and Grr.
The heat is making me uber pissy.

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Disrupted by a telephone call
08-01-06 | 21:54

He has moved out. This morning, although he is still sleeping over after work, partly because we want to see each other, partly because he doesn't have a bed yet.
But the apartment still doesn't feel like mine.
Tomorrow my Mother is coming over to help me clean and reclaim my apartment. Perhaps then I will feel it is mine. I feel like this little room is mine, finally the desk is not dominated by his computer. I cleaned the floor and, well I have a terrible toothache. It feels like the wisdom tooth on the bottom right side is finally growing in and the pain is slowly getting worse. The gum area is inflamed and very sensitive to the touch. I am going to the dentist on Thursday morning, hopefully it won't be too bad before then. I have never had a cavity before in my life, so I've never really had 'dental' problems and am quite scared, I, like everybody else on the face of the earth am terrified of the dentist. Something about being reclined in a chair whilst a person in scrubs and a face-mask...
Phone call....

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Scattered Sunday Thoughts
07-30-06 | 10:13

OK, so PB is in AC this weekend he left on Friday evening and should be returning this afternoon or evening. Did I mention that all his belongings are in boxes? I spent the entire weekend doing intense cleaning. A month or two ago I bought white wooden hangers, and velvet hangers (for wide necked items and sweaters) and lingerie hangers and I've been waiting all this time to revamp my closet with the new hangers. I've been waiting for him to remove his things. On Friday I cleaned my entire closet and put in all my hangers, it is so nice to finally have closet space, PB took up so much, and he filled the floor with his things. Whilst cleaning the closet I had the great idea to buy a polaroid camera to take photos of my shoes and then place them on their boxes so I'll be able to keep my shoes safely stored but I'll be able to know which is which! OK so I am a total weird freak, but my obsessive compulsiveness has been silenced and shut down for nearly two years so I think it is coming back with force. I also cleaned the pantry and the cupboards in the kitchen, and my linen closet, Today I would like to clean the rest of the kitchen and maybe the tv area to make way for my new, very grown up credenza, that will be arriving within two weeks.
Yesterday my yoga teacher informed me that she senses a lightness to me, as if I am more focused and a weight has been lifted off of me. I am starting to feel better. I know that work will still suck, and it will still be hard and I will still have issues with the lack of expectation that my family feels toward me, and struggle with true independence and this quasi independence in which I have a give and take relationship with my mother - but I'll be focused to deal with all of this. With my own space, I feel I can do just about anything. I know it sounds silly, and I am slightly distracted by listening to npr but I am just so excited. I haven't lived alone in so long a time. The last time I truly lived alone - without PB sleeping on the sofa every night - was Spring of '04! And at the same time I know that living together made us stronger and closer, we became so close and lovey and got to know each other so well through living together. But the way we went about it wasn't right. I mean living together, we share everything, and I remember in the beginning, I couldn't stand the way he tosses and turns in bed and now I am not sure if he has stopped tossing and turning so much or if I do not mind anymore. Of course there was all the bad stuff, the fact that I wasn't ready to live with anyone in the first place and that I said yes in part to avoid conflict - just like my mother. But at the same time it has brought us to close, shit is so confusing - it is so easy to not care about anyone, anything.


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