11-08-05 | 21:59
I have not been my usual meticulous, enthusiastic and helpful self at work. I am making mistakes and they are biting me in the bottom. Mid morning I discover e-mail from an angry law student whom we rejected when said student sent us an unsolicited resume. Apparently I misspelled his name and the letter that was sent did not address the student’s request! That being said; I had about five hundred unsolicited resumes to send letters to, and did them in batches of forty letters a day. I’ll admit this is not the highlight of my otherwise wonderful job, but I’m happy to do any work I’m given. Of course it is my shit luck to make an error to the one asshole in the whole of five hundred law students! I was very upset and embarrassed. Of course my fantastic lovely boss took this error in stride and in the long run it is unimportant. From this I’ve learnt that all letters must be proofread before being sent out. My second – and much larger – error actually took place yesterday but I only realized it today. I sent a ‘reject’ letter to a future associate of ours. Thankfully it was not the other way around and I phoned future associate – who was understanding of my mistake – and future associate will mail me back the letter and the situation will be corrected. But Golly! I was a wreck. I was shaking for the better half of the morning. It is not like I am being purposely careless with my work – I believe I am doing a good job – I suppose I must do better, and I will. Unfortunately due to my neurotic nature these errors will cause me to be overly cautious and to check my work at least sixteen times before it is sent out resulting in worthless worrying and headaches.
Another thing on my mind is the relationship of an old friend of mine. This friend was someone whom I always felt was better than me. She is beautiful, smart and cool – doesn’t every girl have a ‘friend’ like that? – However she put me in situations where I felt inferior next to her. She played on my already existing insecurity to the point where it wasn’t fun to hang out with her. She also wore me down with her constant need for attention and would be angry – actually angry – if I didn’t call her back within a week, or flaked on plans – which I did often because I didn’t feel good about myself when I was with her, and the only time I felt good when with her was when I used to do dope – check that out. Well this friend phoned me on my birthday to wish me well. Wow, I mean I was thinking about her for that whole week because our birthdays are right after each other. She left me a voice mail and I subsequently phoned her the next day to wish her a happy birthday. I got her voice mail. I mentioned that if she wanted to chat or catch up I’d love to hear from her. So – she called me back – and left me a voice mail. I want to call her but with this I have all these anxious and excited feelings about our relationship. I would love to see her and be friendly with her, and perhaps even become friends again but I am afraid of falling into all that I felt was toxic for me and what I left when I stopped phoning her in the first place.
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Four things you’re wearing right now:
1. Loro Piana ivory winter sweater (so soft, and a little wintry)
2. Wolford thigh highs
3. Diamond earrings (I never take them off)
4. A watch!
Four things you WANT right now:
1. To be done with Pilates for the day
2. The air conditioners removed and cleared from the apartment.)
3. To fit in to my thin jeans
4. A pretty voice - not to sound like a chubby twelve year old with a cold -, which can be cured with speech lessons, I assume.
Four favorite childhood memories:
1. Sleepovers with my Grandma when I was young.
2. Eating Doritos and watching Double Dare with my brother.
3. Playing 'Amazon rainforest adventure' in the dining room.
4. Playing pillow fights with my father and brother.
Four things you’ve done today:
1. Lifted my weights,
2. Cursed the day.
3. Listened to my cousin discuss her troubles.
4. Google'd the names of people I know.
Four magazines you love:
Four people you’ve ONLY made out with. Nothing more…
1. Weird Austrian man
2. My elementary school boyfriend: Eric
3. Eww, John the messenger at my old employers.
4. Experimenting with the chicks in high school.
Four brushes with fame:
1. Best friends with a chick on an ABD drama
That is all
Four biggest mistakes:
1. Perhaps dropping out of college in the first place
That is all
Four makeup products you most frequently use:
1. Chanel Liquid liner
2. Cover up
3. Nars Earth Angel and Himalayas shadow
4. Haute zero powder
Four hairstyles you’ve had in your life: - in order
1. Pageboy cut
2. Purple hair with the bottom shaved
3. Pixie cut!
4. Longish shag - which I have now.
Four favorite drinks:
2. Earl grey tea
3. Veuve Clicquot
4. Diet coke.
Four childhood friends:
1. Randy something something. She was one of the cool kids. We were only friends because Her grandmother lived next door to me.
2. Ruth Quinoes I think she was a lesbian. She used to pinch my ass.
3.Gillard. He was this terrific kid. We became fast friends. His family relocated to Queens (?) from Israel. We first became friends when some mean kid knocked all his books down on the floor after class and I stayed to help him clean it up. His family was vegetarian and it was from him that I received my first other culture of experience. On a weird note - we lost touch when junior high started and years later he became a heart throb and all the girls would melt over him. They would literally sigh when he walked by. I like to think I trained him on some of it.
4. Carmine. Totally Italian. .
Four things you’ve consumed today:
1. Second Avenue Deli Fries
2. Honeydew melon
3. Cup of earl grey tea
4. Gold fishes
Four things you want to accomplish in the next two days:
1.Do Pilates every day this week
2.ave dinner with Lauren
3.Drinking more water
4. Being extra close with Kelly
I can't eat anymore lil' goldfish pretzels.
This weekend turned out to be a bust, but Kelly made it fantastic.
On Saturday the apartment was in shambles. I had two weeks of laundry sprawled through the rooms and I had yet to put away all the glorious clothes that I bought from Searle on Wednesday. On Friday night I planned for a productive Sunday, but the Esther called and cancelled, she had a cold and couldn't do my nails. I never did my Pilates and never went to the tailors for my coat sleeves. At two o'clock I was still wallowing in bed when Kelly cam in to the bedroom and told me that if I go up we can spend the day together and do whatever I wanted. Ten minutes later we were walked to Soho where I bought even more clothes - just a few tops at Diesel - Kelly wanted to get a new camera bag and well the day turned out to be fabulous. We walked to J&R and then took a taxi back to Bedford where we had a late lunch at Blue Ribbon Bakery.
That evening I took it upon myself to clean up and organize. The apartment is going through a transition from my old furniture to my new Maurice Villency loveliness, so everything in the apartment looks a little messy and unkempt. Add two weeks dirty laundry and dirty dishes to that and I start to cry.
On Sunday Kelly and I planned to shoot guns at the WestSide Rifle and Pistol Range but as it turns out you need a reservation. Turned away from shooting we went to B&H where he got a camera bag to his liking and then to Restoration Hardware where I filled my order for a parts replacement; the 'hot' and 'cold' words on my faucet has worn off. For a long time it was just 'ho' and 'ld' until one morning it vanished and I doubted that I ever has lovely little words on my facet.
By far my favorite part of the weekend was when Kelly and I returned home on Sunday afternoon after grocery shopping. He has the smart idea to get some tortilla chips and fresh guacamole. As soon as we walked through the door we placed the grocery bags on the kitchen table and went in to the living room and plunked down on the floor and ate. I don't know what exactly it was that I loved about that moment, maybe the sun shining right on us, or the casualness of us just sitting down without any music or television to accompany us. We still had our shoes on and it wasn't a meal - just a quick snack. The event reminded me of when we first started dating. When I didn't quite know him and coming up with the wild idea of chips and dip at noon on Sunday before continuing our day together was something that made me tumble ever further in love with him.
The only part of the weekend that was a real bust was the fact that I did not keep up with my Pilates and I just cannot stop eating these goldfishies! There - that is it - I just threw them in the trash. Fuckin' Fishes.
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