Three days?
06-06-06 | 22:54
The apartment is starting to smell like a shoe. Not a stinky old shoe, but a once worn calf-skin shoe. I am getting worried about not taking care of my things, but I am at the same time too apathetic to do anything about it. My rule is I'll clean when PB finally moves out. How is it that I am so strict with myself about that but I cannot do right for myself when food, or health come to mind?
I just received a positive comment, thanks Lyn. I was indeed going to do just that. Wednesday, Thursday & Friday and see how I feel about Saturday and Sunday.
I hate stating words without the actions to follow, which is why I didn't even want to mention the cleanse, because what good is the mention without the action behind it? Without the action to give it meaning?
I have been reading the old entries of one of my favorite reads- we share the same initials - and I wholeheartedly agree with how frustrating it is to reflect and realize that you are dealing with the very same issues that plagued you when a young teen. Perhaps I sound like a young teen.
I am just so frustrated with myself and feel myself spinning round and round and just getting worse.
I very much dislike my job. I wish I didn't have a job, then this current issue that I am dealing with would not be well, such an issue. Gods, can you tell where my priorities lie?
Hopefully when I return it will be twenty-fours since my last consumption of solid food, and then Thursday it will forty-eight.
Can valerian tea really make you go back to dope? I do not think so, and I would know, I mean come on - were the Sopranos lame or what?
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Do I set myself up?
06-06-06 | 21:58
Of course I failed. Perhaps I can just do a three day cleanse.
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Stale Nostalgia
06-05-06 | 18:04
I'm writing this entry in an email from work. Where the hell did the day go? I swear I did like no work whatsoever and it is already 3:30. I can muddle through this current task for the rest of the day. So my juice cleanse. This is day one, and I am sorry to say that I already ate something, but I am actually going to pretend that I didn't because it is too depressing to admit otherwise. This depressing fact almost makes me not want to write, but as a result of not eating well today I am very foggy, and I know that putting this in my diary will help me continue on my cleanse without getting weak and wanting to eat. Besides, I can just stretch it out to Saturday to include the fast and then it will be five days. And that will be that. This is just terrible, am I even making any sense? I am like Homer Simpson when he got trapped in the well � mere hours since my last meal and my clothes are all torn, my hair unkempt and there is dirt all over my face - well not really but one look at me and you would assume that my current state of mind is in La-La Land.
Has anyone ever read Barbie comics? Back in the early nineties DC introduced comic books about Barbie and I remember reading them � I couldn't have been older than twelve. Well in light of the x-men movie, a program on NPR did a segment about comics, and the subject of comics for girls came about which reminded me of the Barbie comics I used to read. Being at work and being terribly busy I decided to shirk my responsibilities and Google Barbie comics, lo and behold I came across a website selling all the issues of Barbie Comics! I ordered a few comics for nostalgias sake and I received them at work today! I can't wait to go home and read my Barbie mags! Am I lame or what? I have a reflexology
session this evening, so maybe I can read my comics then? Should I be embarrassed, ashamed, a grown woman reading a now discontinued -and lame - comic? Or will I just be considered crazy? Eh.
Man, now it is only 3:47. Now that I am watching it, the time is as slow as a turtle.
I really do wish I didn't eat that sandwich earlier � but what's done is done. I can only start now.
I just received word about finding a new housekeeper, this lady cooks, cleans and does your laundry - all for less that I was paying the old housekeeper who slept in my bed and came on days when she wasn't scheduled. Hopefully this new lady has time available.
***
I am now home. So I was reading some of the Barbie comics in the car on the way home, and eh - I remember them being much more fun and interesting, perhaps because I was
eleven!
Man I am in a funky mood, it is obviously because of the lack of eating, I read in the program - the juices come with little menus and a program that feeling foggy, irritable and tired is a result of the toxins leaving your body, so this is a good thing. Hopefully I'll feel better by tomorrow. I'm going to be on the sofa and rest until reflexology.
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Papaya
06-03-06 | 16:52
Papaya & Champagne on a sad Saturday afternoon. I am actually not lonely, and I am so happy that my boy PB will be coming home from work in less than two hours.
My juice cleanse is confirmed for Monday, wish me luck.
I also ordered YSL sunglasses from Simone at Saks this afternoon, so I can wear my sunglass when I am hungry and tired next week.
Jesus, when did I become a bitchy fourteen year old?
P.S. fresh papaya and champagne go well together.
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SH-Lumpy
06-03-06 | 10:42
Saturday morning. I am on my sofa with my lavender scented red flower candle burning on my glass coffee table and Esther is here so I am getting my much needed manicure and pedicure. I didn't see her last week so I am glad that she is here now. PB is at work and I was going to have a yoga session today but my yoga teacher phoned and told me she was sick so maybe I'll just stay home and watch movies all day. I am feeling very shlumpy. That's not a word, but that is how I feel. maybe it is the weather. I texted the ex-boyfriend back stating that I am with someone now, and he had the nerve to text back with "I hope he treats you well, and I wasn't asking you out or anything I just wanted you to know"
What the fuck ever.
So, shlumpy me. A mixture of lumpy and something else.
I think I signed up for this
nutritional cleanse next week. I'll se how it goes. Hopefully it will give me some energy and I'll shed off those extra pounds I've gained by eating oero's and nachos practically non-stop for the past month or so.
May has been absolute shit. I am glad it is over.
PB is moving out within the month and as a result of this - other than my emotional ups and downs regarding the move I have let the apartment go to waste. I fired my maid because it wasn't working out between us. I found out that she slept in my bed, and she came on days she wasn't supposed to come. So not only is the apartment messy (shoes all over the place, I haven't put away any clothes since Monday) but it is starting to get dirty, and frankly I don't want to do anything to improve it until PB moves out, because when he does he will take all his things with him and the place will be mine and I can reclaim my space and my things. But until then - I feel detached, and of course shlumpy, but I feel that there is nothing I can do until he moves out and then I can start improving my things. This entry is paltry at best. I am looking forward to my cleanse. You get six juices delivered to your door for five days, and you drink the juices! This totally caters to my need for routine and schedule, I just love it.
Perhaps I will go tanning this afternoon. I don't want to shop - it is too icky to shop and besides I hate shopping on weekends because everyone is shopping then too and it is just too crazy busy. If my apartment was in order I would feel so totally better and in control, but I can't have my apartment in order until PB moves out so until then I will be in control the only way I can - by strictly maintaining my consumption - alas my juice cleanse makes perfect sense.
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Dying On The Vine
06-02-06 | 19:02
The apartment is a mess. I've got my clothes all strewn about the place, and there are about three pairs of manolo's hiding in various rooms. I am just so exhausted. I have not slept past eight o'clock in the morning for two bloody weeks. I am so out of it. PB is out of it too. Tonight we are having sushi from our favorite place and then I am off to bed.
So I find out one ex is married, and then on Sunday the other ex messages me with 'sometimes I really miss you'.
Oh lord.
I have just started to get back in my routine this week. I like my routine, when it is disrupted I get sick and crazy and miserable.
Sucky entry, but I am beat.
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