I Can't Believe It
07-26-06 | 14:25

Six days. That is all it is. Six days, I cannot believe it, I cannot believe it is really happening, because I actually never had faith in him that it would actually happen.
PB is moving out on the morning of Tuesday August first.
This weekend he is going to AC with his guy friends to do what-the-fuck-ever. Probably get drunk and go to strip clubs, and dance with sluts.
Whatever
But he is actually leaving! In my eager excitement I have removed all of his books from the book shelf and shelved mine. I also had the boys over to fix my towel rack, because for ages it was loose and in risk of falling off the wall, and to hang up a drawing I bought in a clothes shop. The story behind that one was me in a dressing room of a shop on Christopher Street commenting to the owner how mush I like the drawing on the wall and her reply was
"Thanks, do you want it?"
Framed and everything, so fun. I used the camera on PB's computer so the image is reflected but the words read: She couldn't stop thinking about the green Manolo Blahnik sandal from her dream I just fell in love with the drawing so I am so happy it is mine.
Anyway where was I? Oh this is a silly entry, and I've lost my desire to continue partly because of people whispering out in the hallway - whispering gets on my nerves, the tone pisses me off - and the process of removing the drawing and taking a photo and uploading it has turned me off my entry.
PB is leaving, I am getting my life back.

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Pointless
07-21-06 | 09:11

I'm staying home from work again today. Even when I have so much work on my desk. There is a storm dwelling outside. The sky is heavy and has a yellow and gray tint and I hear thunder rumbling in the distance. What a day to stay home. I haven't much to say, things are still the same, bad night of sleep every night, either that or weird twisted dreams. My stress and unhappiness is starting to show on my skin, and my eczema is really bad. Totally gross I know, but it comes out when I am stressed and I have never been under this much stress, well not since I was a baby.
This is a dumb entry!

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I Die
07-19-06 | 19:22

I didn't exist today. I took the day off, I cancelled therapy, didn't go to Pilates (going on two months now) cancelled my trainer and even called someone at work so they can phone my Spanish speaking maid and cancel her as well. Turns out my maid lost my keys, so she couldn't come anyway. Then I was upset about that. I almost want the old cleaning lady back, I mean who loses keys?
And I played the Sims until about three o'clock. WTF is wrong with me? I feel like I am deteriorating, and I know if it PB. I spoke to him briefly today and he still hasn't heard word from the apartment people.
There are so many things I want to do with my apartment that his presence does not allow. But that is only a part of it. It is his selfishness, laziness and thoughtlessness that is the main problem. I just did the dishes because they were starting to smell! I mean how does he not notice that!?! He just doesn't care, and he knows it is important to me and yet he doesn't care. He tells me he forgets things, but I think he just doesn't listen to me anymore.
OK deep breaths...
I am just so unsatisfied, if I were a sim my aspiration level would be negative 5. I almost want him to read this (he knows my diary exists and has come across it once, and doesn't read it, because if he did he wouldn't be this immature and thoughtless of me). I need him to move out, and every day that passes that he is still here is slowly destroying me.

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Deeper
07-19-06 | 10:38

Day 17,653 in the epic of PB Moving Out. Or never moving out, depends how you look at it. Our plump heroine is wishing to turn to heroin but instead is playing the sims to escape from her terrible situation at home.
And now I have a sims hangover. I was playing late into the night and now all I can see when I close my eyes are bloody sims.
PB and I had another tiff last night, I wanted to talk about the logistics of his moving out - the packing, the transportation, the acquiring of a bed or futon, the desk - because the exact move in date is still unknown (how this is fucking possible in also unknown) well he greeted my concern with sass and condescension asking
"How many times have I moved?"
To which I could only admit that he has moved more than I have, but how does that make him better at moving? He is older than I am and I am much better at life than he is. I should have replied that the last two times he has moved I've helped him - I've provided boxes, movers and transportation. Asshole
I truly hope that when he finally moves out he will realize how he treats me and shape the fuck up, because if he doesn't then he and I can't be together anymore, I need more. I need someone who fucking picks up after himself, who remembers what day it is and can remember a bloody phone number, I need someone who will actually go out and do something and not just whine about it. I need someone who doesn't tell me that they cannot afford Aki and then go buy a $600.00 phone.
Fuck, when will this end? Everyday this is affecting me more and more, deeper and deeper, not just my well being but now it has spread to the entire realm of my life.
I want him gone, and until he goes I won't be happy.

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