As I resume...
04-29-09 | 14:02
The last time I posted I was very anxious and feeling very alone. I called in a session with my old therapist to talk about my issues with PB (we have been fighting so much lately and he seems to have this very strong anger streak) and she assisted me very much. The nightmares about my family stopped after my session with her. And PB and I have since stopped fighting.
My issues with PB started to surface after we moved in together. His tendency to procrastinate really started to bother me and every time I confronted him about it - in a gentle positive manner - he would go berserk. I never saw this in him. We had fights every Saturday for about two months. They would end with him threatening to leave, once going so far as packing a bag and storming around the apartment collecting his belongings while I sobbed and begged him not to leave. The worst of it was that if I confronted him about his behavior when he was calm he would get angry again and yell, and threaten me. So I decided to take a visit with my old Therapist, R.
She gave me such wonderful insight. To sum up she told me that now that we are living together I have to truly decide what my deal breakers are. Can I live with someone, and commit for the rest of my life with someone who procrastinates so much? Can I live with and commit to someone who is this volatile? She suggested that since weíve been living together for only six months I take another six months and reassess how I feel at the end of the year. We also discussed my dreams and she suggested that because of this disconnection with PB I have been feeling very alone and that emotion is being expressed in my dreams.
Well, since then PB has quit his job, and guess what? We havenít fought since he quit. He was unhappy for 4 months leading up to this decision and once he left he has been even tempered and good natured. I look at the whole crazy six months as him being unhappy at work and not being able to handle, or not being able to release his frustration properly, so he did on me.
I look at this time in my life as such an interesting time. I have been doing real well in school. Last semester I got on the deanís list and I believe I will achieve the same this semester.
I like the idea of falling still.
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