Uncle Ben's
10-05-07 | 12:35

I did some good breath work with my yoga instructor this morning.
Bubble got sick yesterday, she had loose poo and spat up bile. When I took her to the veterinarian I was told that she has a bacterial infection and was given antibiotics to give to her. I cooked some rice and mixed it with her chicken and a little broth to soothe her tummy, as advised by her doctor. I was seriously debating giving her white rice. I wanted some jasmine rice, or organic brown rice to give her. How totally selfish and twisted is it that my disordered eating gets projected on my puppy. But Uncle Ben's it was and that was good enough, although I didn't cook it with butter, I can only have the nicest salt free whipped european butter and I cannot have butter in my apartment. after a day of medicine and rest she is feeling better, so of course I am feeling better.
My brother and Lindsey-Bitch are coming to town to visit this evening. Two night special! Queens only (please note the "happy" family will not venture out to Manhattan for fear of veering off the tight schedule for nary a second)! I am looking forward to their visit as I'd look forward to a biopsy. My brother has totally estranged himself from our family, doing only what his Lindsey-Bitch tells him to do and their poor toddler son, he will grow up to be constantly constipated. My brother is distant, cold, stubborn and shut outs his family in favor for the boring midwest cream of mushroom tuna casserole Lutheran family that Lindsey-Bitch belongs to. I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to reach him. I don't know how to show him that it goes beyond what is fair to being with the people you love and sharing good times together. I feel that every second that I don't confront him about his growing estrangement the more difficult it will be to reach him at all. at first they were newlyweds, so they ought to be in their own world, then they bought a house, so they ought to be self-involved, then they got pregnant, so they are distant because they are consumed with baby stuff, then the baby was born, fresh and new so they are incredibly busy - but now? No excuse. Lindsey-Bitch purports to be all about family, but in truth she is all about her family. It is hurtful, distressing and insulting.
Enough deepness, I will now drink my green juice and read juicy diaries.

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The Three Necessities
10-04-07 | 12:38

So as not to set myself up for failure, be it real and imagined I shall, starting immediately, doing the following three things to improve my outlook, mood and quality of life:

I like The Three Necessities as I will call them. Three words, three necessities. Not demanding and not something that will make me feel uncomfortable, in fact quite the opposite. These three things will only make me feel better.
I deserve to feel great constantly.
As one can so clearly see this entry is an exercise in self-confidence in order to veer away from the constant badgering I do to myself. I came thisclose to peppering this entry with negativity but I managed with just a little sprinkle at the end.
Go team Ecstasia! (OMG I am such a nerd... breathe...)

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10-04-07 | 12:20

After yesterday's admission the rest of the day seemed promising, until Ann called me out of the blue and told me she was in my area for a work thing and wanted to know if I'd like to grab a drink. She wanted to go to this Italian wine bar down the street, I got there first and was treated to rudeness beyond compare by the crummy wait-staff there. Because of that I was still slightly on edge five minutes later when Ann arrived. Having not seen her in a few weeks I told her all the new things going on in my life (school, future work, volunteer options) and she wondered why I didn't tell her all this sooner. I replied that she has been MIA for two weeks and never called me back. she then started listing excuses and I told her not to give me any excuses, we are together having a lovely drink now and that is what matters.
When I got home I took a shower and sat down to watch some television and then off to bed, unfortunately two hours later I was yelling into the phone at some dim online delivery service person because of a technical problem on their end. With the wretched waitress from Ino and the disappointment of eating when I wasn't even hungry and eating stale chips to boot, the punishment of having to explain to some csr that the problem is with the service and not with me I was simply exhausted but not tired as my tummy was full of undelicious food eaten for no logical reason.
Today isn't any better. I am holing up in my apartment until tomorrow or until autumn returns in the city - whichever comes first. With the exception of a doctor appointment earlier today I am home and drinking my juice and will be in bed at eight o'clock this evening so i can finally get the good night of sleep I deserve.

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